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Joke of the Day

"Don't cut yourselves 'cause Justin smokes pot, Beliebers. Cut yourselves 'cause you listen to Justin Bieber. (And aim for a major artery.)"

"I ran into a racist Jamaican on Halloween, I went into a gas station wearing an Obama mask, he said no mosques allowed."

"What do you call an arcade game that involves you hitting avocados that pop out of the top of it? Guac-A-Mole."

"What do you call a person who's happy on a Monday? Unemployed."

"What do you call one of Santa's helpers? A subordinate clause"

"Don't exercise so you can live longer. Exercise so when you're about to die you can think, ""at least I don't have to exercise anymore""."

"What do you get when you have a nosey pepper? It gets jalapeno business."

"Sometimes when I go to a buffet... I tip myself."

"Pistorius won't have trouble finding his feet when they jail him, they will be kept in a box next to the door"

"Do you know how to tell the difference between a rectal thermometer and an oral thermometer? They taste different."