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Joke of the Day

"[job interview] Boss: What qualifies you to be a ninja? Ninja: I just cut your head off. Boss: That's pr--*thump*"

"A college girl sends a text to her BF who doesn't respond ""Could this night get any worse?"" unaware that an alien fleet approaches earth"

"What's the hardest part of rollerblading? Telling your parents you're gay."

"Me: I won't be in due to a VOLCANO Boss: ..we live, in Florida..? Me: IRRELEVANT Boss: Me: *opens 3rd bottle of vodka, puts on arm floaties*"

"Holy Week joke: What was Jesus doing on Holy Saturday? Just chilling."

"My Jewish friend invited me to go to his camp. Fuck that."

"It's my wife's birthday soon. She said she wanted something with diamonds so I got her a deck of cards."

"I used to crush cans for a living, didn't like it though... It was soda pressing."

"Ever since Peter was rejected by another girl again, I feel nervous every time he enters the school building. But I'm sure he brings that gun for self-defense purpose."

"What did the children with no arms and legs get for Christmas? Cancer"