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Joke of the Day
"How Did Norse Marsupials Write Their Sagas? In Kangarunes."
Next Joke
"Ah you love me that's great. Now I'll do a bunch of terrible shit because I need to be sure you love me no matter what"
"*puts up baby gates all around the outside of my house* There. That should keep 'em out."
"a pizza is basicaly a real-time pie chart of how much pizza i am going to eat"
"This alcohol tastes like there's a sock getting lucky tonight."
"You will never ever EVER get all the sand out of a suitcase you bring on vacation. EVER."
"ME: The plane has wifi? Sweet, I'm going to Skype call that radio psychic. RADIO PSYCHIC: Go ahead caller, you're on the air ME: HOLY SHIT"
"What do you call a woman who wants lots of compensation? Sue."
"[Rogue One Spoilers] What is the empire's favorite kind of font? Sans Scarif"
"What did the redneck say when she lost her virginity? GET OFF ME DAD, you're crushing my cigarettes!"