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Joke of the Day

"I once had a crippiling masturbation addiction... ...now i have a sex addiction, could you say my addiction has gotten out of hand?"

"How did the possessed lady lose weight? Diet and exorcise."

"Dear Middle Finger, Thanks for always sticking up for me."

"At the school for the hearing impaired... ...no one can hear you scream!"

"This is incredible. My iPhone's battery has made it 3 hours without needing to be charg"

"[First day working in a warehouse] ME: What's that machine for? ""Oh, that's the forklift"" ME: OH MY GOD HOW HEAVY ARE YOUR FORKS??"

"Whats worse than having a lobster on yer piano? Having crabs on yer organ!"

"A Linux sysadmin walks into a pharmacy. ""ephedrine?"" ""I can't serve you that"" ""sudoephedrine"" ""There you go""."

"Don't run with scissors because you might accidentally trip, fall and cut the grand opening ribbon of a new museum 2 weeks ahead of schedule"

"Today i thought i saw a new color... but it turned out to just be a pigment of my imagination"