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Joke of the Day

"[First day working in a warehouse] ME: What's that machine for? ""Oh, that's the forklift"" ME: OH MY GOD HOW HEAVY ARE YOUR FORKS??"

"These five euphemisms for defecation will shock you! I can't believe #2"

"What does Harry Potter say when he walks into a bar? I Expectsum Patronum"

"How do you know if a pepper is starting a fight with you? It gets jalapeno face."

"Did you hear about the Mexican bricklayer who went crazy trying to lay a cornerstone in a roundhouse."

"My girlfriend said ""Give me 10 inches and make it hurt!"" So I stabbed her with a ruler."

"Two women are gardening when one pulls up a huge carrot, she says ""this reminds me of my husband"" and the other woman says, ""that big?"" and the first one says ""No, that dirty."""

"What happens when ducks fly upside down ? They quack up !"

"I bought a nice 12 year old scotch yesterday. His parents weren't pleased."

"My girlfriend is quite pessimistic about our sex life, but I'm a vagina half full kind of guy."