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Joke of the Day

"Blind guy: I love this half-sandwich restaurant. Me: What do you mean? This place only serves whole- Service dog: *puts a paw on my lips*"

"Going down on a woman is the best. The way her thighs cover your ears so you can finally get some quiet time..."

"I finally learned how to convert units to the metric system! It's a real 1.61kilometers6.35kilograms for me."

"COP: The killer wrote a message on the victim's mirror ME: You can't prove it was me COP: It was written in Dorito dust ME: I want a lawyer"

"Make sure you don't forget the 'R' when you're Googling, ""movies of Gary Oldman."""

"Fine wine I like my women like I like my wine, 9 years old and in my basement"

"honey the ppl of atlantis lost an entire city & thats like 2000x bigger than a baby so idk if all this yellin is necessary"

"Important Work Of 21st Century... The 21st century: Where Deleting history is more important than making it."

"There's no greater waste of time in life than wishing a one-year-old a happy birthday."

"What do you call a preacher with an erection? A firm believer"