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Joke of the Day

"There's no greater waste of time in life than wishing a one-year-old a happy birthday."

"Auto-correct is the new... Is Auto-correct the new Freudian dick? Or Is Anal-correct the new Freudian slip?"

"Where does the President keep his armies? In his Baracks"

"I'm acutely dyslexic and often forget my route home. AMA! Sorry, wrong bus!"

"What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? ""Where's my tractor?"""

"The most annoying thing about being a necrophiliac... Is that your girlfriend never returns your calls."

"My dad came into my room the other night as I was getting ready for a date He sat me down, handed me a condom, looked me in the eyes and said, ""Son, don't make the same mistakes I did."""

"My legs are so white that they stopped listening to their Bon Iver LP to correct my pronunciation of 'quinoa'"

"I could care less about you but I'm still going to go through your entire wedding & 1st born childs photo album on Facebook. I hate myself"

"Why should you never BBQ on your roof? The steaks are too high. ^I'll ^see ^myself ^out"