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Joke of the Day

"My teen thought it'd be funny to unfriend me on Facebook. I laughed and laughed and changed the wi-fi password. Good times!"

"Helicopter flying above my apartment. I wanna go out in my hoodie and start running like a thief."

"I have an archaeology exam tomorrow And it doesn't matter if I pass or fail because either way... My future's in ruins."

"You can freeze a human to -273.15 C He'd be 0K."

"Just saw a fly on my flight and all I could think was what a lazy piece of shit."

"Evening commute One inch of snow will do this to you in DC"

"Why does putting a stone in a mans shoe make the best contraception. It will make him limp"

"Where do tech guys with diarrhea go to work? IBM"

"I just returned from a concert put on by the Bermuda Philharmonic Orchestra... ... ... Half way through, the guy on the triangle disappeared."

"Are you from Heaven? Because you look like you just died"