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Joke of the Day

"Well at least the world isn't spinning uncontrollably around a huge ball of fire."

"I laid here for almost 10 minutes before anyone asked if I was okay after I pretended to get elecrocuted by the copier. Fuck these assholes."

"I just had a baby! It was delicious."

"I recently learned that the smell of fresh cut grass is the smell plants give if when under duress, and I like that smell... I guess this makes me a sado-*manicurist*"

"How many vampires does it take to open the Curtain on Daylight? Just one with depression."

"Why can't bicycles stand up on their own? Because they're two tired!"

"Who is 50 feet tall, has a blue ox and kills co-eds? Ted Bunyan."

"When I die I want written on my tombstone ""Finally Offline""."

"a bunch of people at a school dance waiting to get a drink that's it. that's the punch line"

"What does a carpenter do after one night stand? A matching one for the other side of the bed."