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Joke of the Day

"[robbery in progress in the store I'm at] *quickly remembers training from karate school* *bows to robber* *is kicked in head so hard*"

"Why did the dyslexic man have slime on his face? Because I told him a good joke."

"the worst part about a shark eating your legs off is when you realise your wallet was in your pocket"

"Has anyone else's world ended yet? Mayan hasn't."

"I haven't seen any new Bigfoot pictures in a while... I hope he's ok."

"What sound does a gun made from church seating make? Pew Pew.. Sorry. Just became a father 2 years ago. I have some catching up to do."

"You hear about the three guys who died in a flight simulator when a plane crashed in to the building? Apparently jet fuel can't melt irony."

"If I were a farmer, how would I measure my height? From my head, tomatoes. Hope no one has heard this before, thought of it while driving."

"Yo momma so fat.. ..she has a real horse on her Polo shirt."

"I was looking at the baseball, trying to figure out why it was getting larger. Then it hit me."