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Joke of the Day

"I made a new joke. I made a new word. Plagiarism."

"What do you get is you cross a ghost with a packet of potato chips? Snacks that go crunch in the night."

"I didn't want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.. But when I got home, all the signs were there."

"Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice! Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone."

"The problem with Chinese food is an hour later you feel like hacking the Pentagon again."

"May 4th is Star Wars day May the 4th be with you!"

"Me: A coworker called me 'Papa Hemingway' today. Her: Because of your beard? Me: Well it wasn't because of my Nobel in Literature."

"What did the inn keeper say to the Big Dipper when he asked if he could rent a room? sorry this is only a four star hotel."

"What's the best way to prepare a turkey for Thanksgiving dinner? Just be *honest* with it man..."

"What's the difference between you and mallard with a cold? One's a sick dick, and I can't remember how it ends, but your mother is a whore. -SNL reruns-"