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Joke of the Day

"How do you get 30 drunk Canadians out of the pool? ""Please Get Out The Pool"""

"Men are like snowstorms You don't know how many inches you'll get, how long it will last and how hard it will be."

"Women are like stars... At first they are small and hot, then they get bigger and bigger, then finally they suck the life out of everything around them."

"Me: Quit talking down to me like I don't know shit about technology! 12yo: Sorry... Me: That's ok. Now fix the router."

"How did the toad die ? He simply croaked !"

"What's a clown's favorite thing to eat? Really anything that's heavy enough to beat somebody to death with, such as a motorcycle helmet or a cannonball."

"The golf joke What's the best part about golf? It's the only activity where you actually aim for the hole under 18 and you don't go to jail."

"I think it's fair to question whether or not Barack Obama is an American. I mean, look at him. He's awfully thin..."

"My nephew asked, 'Do you have a New Years hangover today?' I said, 'No. Hangovers are for people who stop drinking'."

"Did you know you can use voice-to-text on Twitter so this tweet came from my mouth and also stop staring at me people on this bus."