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Joke of the Day

"A roast beef walks into a bar... Bartender says ""Hey! Get the hell out of here! We don't serve food here"""

"What do you call a potato on the street corner? Idaho"

"Walking around naked is a great motivator to get back to the gym"

"I cracked a beer at 9:11 this morning... Too soon?"

"Me: *lying nude on checkered blanket* Him: ""Where's the food and why are you naked?"" Me: ""Am I doing it wrong? This is my first picnic."""

"4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths."

"""It's not you, it's me."" - Humidity, to Heat"

"Me: *quickly flips through each layer of a Big Mac like a wad of cash* McDonald's employee: [nervously assuring me] it's all there I swear."

"A conversation with my 7 year old brother. ""Look at all of these beautiful horse"" ""Horses"" ""Horse is already plural, isn't it?"" ""You're thinking of elk"" ""Holy mooses, you're right"""

"Did you know you can break your nose if you squint hard enough? I did it on the bus today and some Asian guy punched me in the face!"