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Joke of the Day

"Me: *lying nude on checkered blanket* Him: ""Where's the food and why are you naked?"" Me: ""Am I doing it wrong? This is my first picnic."""

"What's your number? A jewish girl and a man walks into a bar. They hit it off and the man asks for the girls number. She lifts her sleeve."

"I unsubscribed from the official earthbending subreddit. Getting tired of all these Internet Toph Guys."

"I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize."

"In person it's lying, but in texting, you can just call it a typo."

"I just removed all my German friends from my phone Now I have a Hans-free device"

"To my American friends: On Sunday, don't forget to set your clocks back one hour. On Tuesday, try not to set your country back 50 years."

"Do steam rollers really roll steam?"

"When you pick a name for your kid, type it in Microsoft Word first. If the red squiggly line shows up, please reconsider."

"What's the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush? One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!"