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Joke of the Day
"I tried to use my Dictaphone today. But I ended up just using my finger like everyone else."
Next Joke
"My drug of choice is laughter....and cocaine. Mostly cocaine. Sometimes angel dust. Molly is cool too. RT if you love Jesus."
"How does one know a man is going to say something smart?..His senentences start with ""A woman once told me.."""
"Me: Baby I know you had a long day so I drew you a bath Her: Ah I can't wait to take it *hands her paper* Me: I used your eyeliner pencil"
"What's White and Sticky? Glue."
"*stands in front yard, hands on hips, giving each autumn leaf that falls on my lawn a stern, disapproving look*"
"What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment."
"What do you call it when a chameleon can't change colors? Ereptile dysfunction"
"I tried getting my girlfriend to do my taxes... But she really wasn't Intuit."
"What do you do when a gay man is choking? Take your dick out of his mouth. im sorry"