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Joke of the Day

"Since it would take human contact to get Ebola. Everyone on Twitter is safe."

"I patented the time machine But the judge keeps throwing it out based on prior art"

"Why doesn't Dwayne Johnson's downstairs neighbor understand references to current events? He's been living under The Rock."

"I tried Tylenol for the first time today. It tasted a lot like cotton."

"I want to live the kind of life that when St. Peter looks over my list of sins he gives me a high-five before he sends me to hell."

"A new drug has just been developed for lesbians with depression. It's called trycoxagain."

"Stop calling Donald Trump ""Hitler"" Really, Hitler doesn't deserve to be slandered like that!"

"Worst dad jokes are emoticons Had a group message with family and my sister wanted to go get coffee. So my dad sent this *$ Enjoy"

"What's the difference between jam and marmalade? You can't marmalade your dick down a girls throat."

"Jenner is a hero, and quite frankly saved some lives Had I not replaced the Jenner in my truck last week I wouldnt have been able to shift into neutral when my accelerator stuck today."