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Joke of the Day

"I hate ""save the date"" engagement cards. After divorce you should have to send out ""hey forget about that one date 6 months ago"" cards"

"[1st Row at Beyonce Concert] Beyonce: Who run da world?! *points mic at me* ME: [having briefly heard the song once before] ...squirrels?"

"Did you hear about the DJ who bought a cheap pair of photochromic lenses? He had shitty transitions."

"How do pigs talk? Swine language"

"What do you call an Irishman who bounces off of walls? Rick O'Shea."

"So there's this guy that yawns a lot........ YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWNNNN"

"What do you do when you drop your favorite ska record? PICK IT UP, PICK IT UP, PICK IT UP, PICK IT UP!"

"I already regret my choice of Julliard to win the NCAA."

"You can learn a lot about a guy when you go through the pockets of his pants that are at his ankles in the bathroom stall next to your's."

"Why does Tiger Woods bring two pair of pants during a golf game? Its in case he gets a hole-in-one."