152818

Joke of the Day

"So I was at my local dyslexia meeting... And my friend turned to me and said, ""can you smell gas?"" I replied, ""are you kidding? I can't even smell my own name."""

"What do you call an Asian male with no penis? An Asian porn star"

"Repeat after me.... I Pam sofa king read card Ted. Complements of my 6th grader."

"[call] MOM: please be safe in the snowstorm. ME: idgaf about snow i'm a gangster. MOM: what? ME: i said thanks for calling i love you."

"It's been scientifically proven that women who worry are smart. I must be a freaking genius."

"When I was a kid I made all of my toys watch Toy Story so that they knew I was on to them."

"If she asks you to be in an open relationship, tell her to walk out that open door. She's a slut."

"What did the fat pig say when the farmer dumped corn mash into the trough? ""I'm afraid that's all going to waist."""

"How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced? A buck an ear (buccaneer)."

"Q: Why couldn't Tommy ride a bicycle? A: Because he was a gold fish."