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Joke of the Day

"Me: ""I have octopus like reflexes."" Person: ""Don't you mean cat like reflexes?"" Me: *squirting him with ink* ""Nope."""

"I watched a tv show about beavers today... Best dam program I've ever seen!"

"Q: How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Four one to change it and the other three to deny it."

"Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton and were in a fatal car crash, who survives? Bill and Monica, ooops I mean Melania!"

"I might be OCD, but I'm not falling for that check engine bullshit. It's there."

"Canceling my subscription!! I'm tired of your issues."

"How many amoebae does it take to change a lightbulb one no, two no, four eight, 16, 32...."

"Where do hippos go to school? The Hippocampus!"

"What Do You Call a Girl Who Doesn't Do Kegels? A lazy cunt!"

"What is green and smells like bacon? ... Kermit's finger"