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Joke of the Day

"Me: Hurry up kid. We're gonna be late for school 6 y/o daughter: *begins eating each Lucky Charms marshmallow individually*"

"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and I'm like ""Get outta here boys! I didn't get this chubby by sharing my milkshakes!"""

"How do you get three old ladies to say the ""F"" word? Yell ""BINGO!"""

"My best friend stole my wife from me... I am really going to miss him."

"With Vladimir Putin so eager to restore ties, I think the U.S and Russia should form one country. We can call it The United States of Soviet Russia! USSR for short."

"50 Cent for a 2Pac of Eminems? That's Ludacris!"

"How do you piss off a male archaeologist? You take a shit in his car."

"Why are Jewish men circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it's 10% off"

"GOD: (creates earth) hell yea lizard planet! WINDOWSTM: restart planet for important updates GOD: um ok *dinos die, man appears* GOD: wtf"

"What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? A Chocolate Chip Wookiee."