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Joke of the Day

"Take me to a bar on an empty stomach and see how quickly I can become much more entertaining than the entire cast of Jersey Shore."

"What do you call a party with 100 midgets? A little get together."

"Helped a homeless guy move today... I picked up his vomit and threw it across the street."

"Why did the scarecrow get a promotion? Because it was out standing in its field."

"On soy milk cartons, the missing kids are always named ""Skylar"" and were last seen getting into a Prius"

"What do you call a dachshund with no hind legs and balls of steel? Sparky."

"Did you hear about what happened with the elk? It was really amoosing."

"Her: Do you consider yourself broadminded? Me: All I ever think about are broads... so I'll have to go with a yes on this one."

"What do Lena Dunham & ISIS have in common ? They both love stoning women."

"In Texas we pronounce it ""nu-que-lur"" I'm often harassed about how I pronounce nuclear but I think fair is fair. If Yankees can have silent letters I don't see how come we can't have invisible ones!"