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Joke of the Day
"My friends laughed at me when I said I wanted to be a comedian... Well they're not laughing now"
Next Joke
"If by high maintenance you mean she looks like a stoned janitor, then yeah, she's high maintenance."
"Every time Nicki Minaj tells someone their voice isn't good enough on Idols, someone is crushed to death by the weight of the irony."
"An Irish girl tells her mother that she's decided to become a prostitute. ""A WHAT?!"" her mother says. ""A prostitute,"" the daughter says. ""Thank god,"" the mother says. ""I thought you said Protestant."""
"Ten out of ten pigs prefer turkey bacon over regular bacon."
"[In a seahorse home] Son: Dad? Dad: Yes? Son: Happy M- Dad: DON'T Son: Moth- Dad: STOP Son: HAPPY MOTHERS DAY *Dad bangs head on desk*"
"Teleportation seems like an awesome idea until Creepy Stan from down the street is suddenly washing your back in the shower."
"How did the Roman feel when he cannibalized his nagging wife? Glad-he-ater"
"Ladies: If a man approaches you and he's wearing Crocs, hold perfectly still. Their vision is based off movement."
"Did you hear about the explosion in the cheese factory? There was de-brie everywhere."