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Joke of the Day

"Every time the grocery baggers ask if I want help to my car, I feel like telling them yes and climbing in the cart."

"I don't like being told what to do unless I'm naked."

"JUDGE: so u plan to plead insanity? ME: let me double-check with my counsel *moves 2 ft over, puts on tie, nods* ME: thats correct ur honor"

"I'm trying to remember what that soup is called, the kind with chicken and rice.... Oh yeah! Chinken Noodle!"

"Ronald McDonald runs for president. His slogan? Make America's Weight A Gain."

"A psychic midget broke out of prison The official police report warned of a small medium at large."

"4 bullfighters in quicksand What do you call 4 bullfighters in quicksand? Quattro cinco"

"[consoling grieving widow] so I guess you'll be looking for a new owner for his pokemon collection?"

"[NSFW] I always create female characters in third person shooter games Because if I am spending hours looking at someone else's back that should be a female."

"I'm going to make a calendar of sexy Islamic extremists I will call it, Ji-hotties"