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Joke of the Day

"Here's a tip for when you're feeling shit. Wear gloves"

"Me: Ooh, I'd love to go to your party, but I have a dentist appointment. Her: On a Saturday night? Me: I've got really bad teeth."

"My boyfriend isn't allowed to go to the Zoo without me, he might see all his ex's there..."

"I recommend you chickens learn to talk. Nobody ever said let's go get a bucket of parrot."

"What do you call a drug dealer in a strip club A hardened criminal"

"I have glasses but cannot see. I have feet but cannot walk. What am I? A riddle."

"Ok, Surgeon General, alcohol is bad for pregnant women. The warning label might be more effective stating alcohol causes pregnant women."

"I used to sanitize my son's bottles and Lysol his toys. Then I caught him chewing on the dog's tail."

"A fly just blew up in my room I'm scared it might be a Jihadi longlegs"

"Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce? Well, I'm guessing it's because the other fifty percent can't afford lawyers."