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Joke of the Day

"Who comes in the fog? Seamen."

"The horror of hearing the anesthesiologist say, ""YOLO,"" as he puts you under."

"Daddy daddy can I have another glass of water please? But that's the tenth one I've given you tonight! Yes but the baby's bedroom is still on fire."

"I told a woman she'd drawn her fake eyebrows on too high she looked surprised."

"Why are criminals so good at basketball? They shoot first and ask questions later."

"A Swedish software company has created a new app that records and analyzes what you say during sleep. You can tell the app is working when it's mad at you the whole next day."

"If video games actually influenced behaviour you'd see a lot more people accidentally jumping in the air when they try to open doors."

"i can't believe i'm on page 3 of an online forum debating the pros and cons of ceramic, glass, and stainless steel mixing bowls"

"What do a walrus and a tupperware container have in common? They both like a tight seal."

"Muslim artists threw some paint bombs at a local building... They blue it up."