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Joke of the Day

"My math teacher from highschool thought she was so smart and intelligent yet when I graduated, she was still in highschool."

"[on date] ME: I'll have a steak WAITER: How would u like that cooked? ME: Uhh with fire or some kind of heat? *rolls eyes at date*"

"What does an unfunny person tell a salad? Teach me senpai! http://imgur.com/jxe8KFk"

"Husband: What would you do if i won the lottery? Wife: I'd take half and leave. Husband: Well here's $6 and you can start packing anytime now."

"""The past tense of LOL is not LOL'd, it's L'dOL."" - How I like to end a date with 18-25 year old girls."

"The thing about statistics is, if you gather enough, you'll find a coincidence."

"What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? You hit her"

"Boss: you spend a lot of time on your phone! Me: you spend too much time watching me. Don't you have work to do?"

"Did you hear about the constipated composer? He couldn't finish the last movement."

"What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? He wiped."