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Joke of the Day

"I say 'tomato', you say 'put your hands where I can see them and exit the vehicle slowly' ."

"Q. What does a woman's asshole do when she is having an orgasm? A. He is usually home with the kids!"

"I once met a woman who had 12 nipples That's sounds good... Dozen tit"

"[1st day at Subway] Boss: u said u'd done this before Me: [painting myself in marinara sauce] I'm really more of an abstract sandwich artist"

"Why don't orphans enjoying playing baseball. Because they don't know where Home is."

"I once met an Asian with excellent grammar... So I said, ""Wow, your grammar is so good!"" And they replied, ""No.....my grandma's dead."""

"Tim Cook has announced that he's gay. Samsung just filed a lawsuit claiming they came out of the closet 3 years ago. #Apple"

"My wife just opened my car door for me. Would have been a nice gesture had we not been going 70mph."

"once I asked my dad if we could plant a bread tree in the yard & later that night I overheard him & my mom talking about ""sending me back"""

"Did you hear about the deaf gynecologist? Don't worry, he can read lips."