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Joke of the Day

"I wanna get rid of this memory foam mattress, but it knows too much."

"Porn addiction is a serious thing I have first hand experience."

"I've been attending Acronym Anonymous meetings recently. Or as I like to call it AA. I'm not making a lot of progress."

"How did the Welshman find the sheep in the tall grass? Very satisfying."

"Why can't you be friends with a tampon? Because they are stuck up cunts."

"Her: What's your fantasy? Me: Movie theaters that charge kids 3 and under $500 per ticket."

"When someone says ""The last thing I'd want to do is hurt you"", I'm wondering why they have a list of things to do that includes hurting me."

"rachel ray and the hulk have a baby muppet cookey monster"

"I've been working out at Starbucks lately. Hitting the french press."

"My healthcare policy basically only covers taking off my shoe to twist my sock around a little bit so the seam isn't right under my toe"