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Joke of the Day

"HOT LOCAL SINGLES IN YOUR AREA WANT YOUR CREDIT CARD NUMBER."

"Why did the console player cross the road? To render the buildings on the other side."

"Hate it when you open the fridge and can't find what you were looking for; like happiness and perfect abs."

"Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary?? Yeah, it runs in your jeans..."

"""I can't find my gun"" I exclaimed as I rifled through my drawers."

"BREAKING: Republicans may oppose President Obama's decision to skip breakfast."

"A person followed me and then unfollowed me within 3 minutes. How can they judge me after only seeing 47 tweets?"

"I went to a girl and was like ""I'd like to take my rocket to Uranus"" She detached the final stage"

"Who's the idiot who named the song 'The Sound of Silence' and not"

"Boss: Why did you call off yesterday? Me: You said I should do what's best for the company. Boss.... Me: I'll take that promotion now."