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Joke of the Day
"Decades of video games have left me WAY too confident in my ability to break open a wooden crate."
Next Joke
"I was at the park today by the playground. A mother asked me which kid was mine. ""I haven't decided yet.""."
"*Hello this is your pilot speaking, we still have about 9 hours in the air so let me entertain you folks reading you some of my tweets*"
"So they're selling crack in my neighborhood.. FINALLY"
"Did you hear the one about the pregnant bedbug? She gave birth in the spring."
"Without a doubt, my favourite Robin Williams movie is... ...Mrs Fire."
"So I asked my friend what its like to live in Switzerland.. He said It's pretty cold but the flag is a huge plus"
"Psychic: *rubbing temples* You want to know if your wife's trying to murder you Me: How'd you know? P: *sees knife in my back* I'm good"
"What were the polite Egyptians running away from? DaRUDE Sandstorm"
"so there's this group of people who are protecting a van they call themselves the Vanguard"