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Joke of the Day

"What do you call two nuts on the wall? Walnuts. What do you call two nuts on your chest? Chestnuts. What do you call two nuts on your chin? A dick in your mouth."

"""Who's on first?"" ""David."" ""Cool."" -Abbott and Costello's first draft"

"What's red and crawls up your leg? A homesick abortion."

"[first date] me: [don't let her know you're a microwave] her: my food is a bit cold me: [my head starts slowly rotating]"

"Can't get a girl? Rip out your rib and make your own! Critics are raving ""this doesn't work"" and ""I'm bleeding to death""."

"Why don't they have Oktoberfest in Africa? Because nobody there is much of a drinker."

"What kind of oranges do you take on a boat? Naval oranges. I'm^so^sorry."

"Once you've seen one shopping centre... You've seen the mall."

"Found the cause of the Fort McMurray fires.. My mix tape just dropped"

"What's the difference between children and Isis? Drones can't tell either"