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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the depressed man going on a cross country road trip? He's weeping the nation."

"If someone writes ""you are"" I immediately assume that they don't understand the difference between you're/your and are playing it safe."

"If my kids knew there was a light in the oven, they'd leave that one on too."

"What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? It only takes 1 nail to hang up the picture."

"So much mascara her eyes got stuck in the closed position. Too bad lipstick doesn't work that way."

"Was at the zoo and witnessed a monkey going to the bathroom. That shit was bananas."

"Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer."

"Which doesn't belong: Meat, a Blow Job, Your Wife, An Egg A Blowjob, you can beat your Meat, you can beat your wife, and you can beat an egg, but you can't beat a blow job"

"Nurse: Doctor this man needs an IV! Roman Empire doctor: OF WHAT? HE NEEDS 4 OF WHAT?!"

"I recently got a vaccination... Now I would make a joke about shots or people who get them but I can't now that I'm autistic."