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Joke of the Day
"So much mascara her eyes got stuck in the closed position. Too bad lipstick doesn't work that way."
Next Joke
"Who do fish listen to when they want to hear some dubstep? Krillex."
"Marriage is a three-ring circus: Engagement ring... Wedding ring... Suffering!!!"
"Anyone who says ""Let's all put our phones down and talk with each other,"" is just running out of battery and needs a charge."
"Why was Hitler better than Jesus? Jesus may have fed 5,000 people with 5 loaves of bread ad 2 fish, but Hitler made 6 million Jews toast."
"I deactivated my Facebook so I won't know if any bible verses are ""so true"" for a while."
"A man walks in on his roommate, Internet, crying in the other room. When he asks why, Internet sobs: ""Everything I touch turns gay!"""
"why did the scarecrow win a Pulitzer Prize? He was outstanding in his field"
"My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books but he's only got his shelf to blame"
"I feel like MacGyver- given a bottle opener and a bottle of beer, I was able to crudely fashion an open bottle of beer."