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Joke of the Day

"Officer, if I can't stand in the shoulder of the road, screaming and crying, then maybe they shouldn't call it the breakdown lane."

"My daughter: I know everything Me: What's the capital of brazil? My daughter: that's a secret"

"Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven is a licensed six offender."

"When I give people a tour of my bedroom, I like to say, ""And this is where the magic happens,"" followed by a sad, ""... magic isn't real."""

"""Hey, did you hear about the blonde that lost over 85% of her intelligence?"" ""No, actually. How'd it happen?"" ""I dunno, but I hear that it happened at around the same time her husband died."""

"Girl at bar: My kids are my world!! Me: Then why are you out drinking??"

"Judge: You stated that the stairs went down to the basement is that correct? A: Yes. Judge: And these same stairs did the also go up?"

"Pretty upset to find out that salmonella poisoning has nothing to do with a vindictive fish named Ella."

"If you thought the last status was good, Check this one out........1"

"Why did Lady Gaga wear seashells to the VMAs? Because B-shells were too small."