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Joke of the Day

"Judging by the way some women wear makeup it's rather obvious they didn't excel at coloring as a kid."

Next Joke
 
"I wanna Die peaceful in my sleep just my like my Grandpah! Unlike the passengers in his car..."
"Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live"
"I buy a lot of ringtones for someone who hasn't answered a phone call since 2008."
"I wanted to get into the right mood for my essay about american patriotism.. so i shouted at my essay ""You Essay"", ""You Essay"", ""YOU ESSAY"""
"After much deliberation, the Cambridge University Netball Team.... ...decided not to abbreviate their name"
"Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, ""Wow, that's got to be the fastest we ever got to the accident site."""
"My office's password has been hacked. That's the third time i've had to rename the cat."
"You're so ugly, when you were born your mom said... ""What a treasure"" and your dad said ""Lets go bury it!"""
"Apple watch, loudly: ""It is time for you to poop"" Me: ""A-as I was saying, our investors h-"" Watch, louder: ""It is your optimal poop time"""