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Joke of the Day

"I forgot to bring my bags to the grocery store, people looked at me like I drove there on an aerosol can, then slit a baby seal's throat."

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"Why is Ireland the richest country in the world? Because the capital is always Dublin."
"What do you call a smiling Roman with a hair in his teeth? Gladiator."
"What type of dog suffers from being inbred? A hotdog"
"Q: What did the snail say as he rode on the back of a turtle? A: Wheeee!"
"Scientists are close to re-enacting The Big Bang theory. Hope its got another hot blonde with nice tits in it."
"How do cows measure time? In mooments"
"A woman walks into a hospital... for a routine checkup on her pregnancy. The nurse looks at her file and says ""Oh! Twins! Were they spontaneous?"" The woman replies ""No, we had sex first."""
"Cutting a bell pepper feels like the vegetable version of killing an alien with all its little alien babies."
"What do you get when you cross a cow with an octopus? Reprimand from the university ethics board and immediate withdrawal of all research grants."
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