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Joke of the Day
"All women are different. Yet none of them can drive."
Next Joke
"My signature sex move is flirting like a pornstar then getting awkward as fcuk once it looks like something could actually happen."
"Cashier: haha that's a lotta candy, getting ready for Halloween early eh Me:... Cashier:... Me:... Cashier:... Me: yep"
"My wife just bought toilet paper from Costco which is great because later today we're having 3,000 people over to take a shit."
"Unfollowing because you didnt get a follow back is like quitting drinking tea because the tea doesn't drink you back. It doesn't make sense."
"Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium **BATMAN! **"
"How many Northern Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Hella"
"Dead Mexicans How do you bury a hundred Mexicans? In a casket."
"Jesus take the wheel ~ Mexicans stripping a car"
"Facebook would be way cooler if it was on t.v. : ""In other news Brian's ex-girlfriend is still a cold, heartless b!tch. Details at 11."