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Joke of the Day

"I caught my wife having sex with another man with the lights on I didn't know had married a man!"

"All my tweets are based on true events that happened in my head."

"Are your parents Laptop memory? Cause you are SO DIMM."

"A Mexican man contended in the Olympics He won a gold medal in the ""Jump and run"" event."

"What's green and red, and goes round and round? A frog in a food blender."

"Help me to be careful of the toes I step on today as they may be connected to the ass that I might have to kiss tomorrow..."

"One of my hooter's girlfriends died yesterday... May she breast in peace :'("

"[At gang interview] GangLeader: You wanna be in our gang Me: Yep GL: What qualities do you.. M: *Already snapping fingers GL: You're in"

"What did Han Solo say when Leia asked for help with a crossword clue? I don't know"

"Now I'm not saying you're old... but if you were milk I'd smell you before pouring you on my cereal."