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Joke of the Day

"Why do you stop at a stop sign? Just because it says to? What if it said ""Eat 54 chicken nuggets and do a cartwheel""? Would you do that too?"

"Proper grammar is the difference... ... between knowing your shit and not knowing you're shit."

"Did you hear about the man trapped in a nun's body? His name is God."

"Did you hear about the baker who got electrocuted last week? He stood on a bun and a currant shot up his leg."

"How does every racist joke start? *Looks around the immediate area*"

"How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, let the bitch do the ironing in the dark."

"Enjoyed 3 minutes and 42 seconds of extra sleep this morning by letting my kids stay up 5 hours past their bedtime"

"A mailman delivers mail, and a milkman delivers milk. I'm a lineman. **I deliver lines.**"

"What do you call someone who gets high fast? A speed weeder."

"Why doesn't Ted Cruz like doing laundry? Because he always fucks up the delegates."