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Joke of the Day

"My grandfather was an alcoholic but an amazing magician Whenever he wanted he could turn into a bar."

"How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? 10-tickles."

"Why didn't the vampire eat out his girlfriend? Because it wasn't the right time of the month."

"You know it's good sex when the neighbors call the police and a priest."

"Five years ago I asked the most beautiful girl in the world out on a date, today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times."

"""I bought a new car!"" Whoa that's a lemon, how much did you pay? ""Only $3,200"" Dude it's literally a piece of fruit ""Damn....not again"""

"No matter how much you loved them if a family member or pet comes back from the dead don't dilly dally kill them immediately"

"I thought about being a mortician On one hand people are dying to get into that field but i hear its dead end job"

"What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta."

"Why didn't Gordon Ramsay like the Girl Scout cream pies? He found a hair in one."