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Joke of the Day

"Whenever someone on a plane reclines their seat into you, pull them back even further and whisper in their ear, ""Keep going."""

"Hair Stylist: What are we doing today? Me: Let's do something that will look great here but I'll have no chance of replicating at home"

"I need jokes that people can enjoy over and over again."

"In the near future, little old ladies won't know how to sew, knit, or quilt, but they'll take awesome self-pics in bathroom mirrors."

"My wife's a ventriloquist, which means she has the ability to complain about having to give me a blowjob whilst actually giving me a blowjob."

"Hey people that knock on locked restroom doors, what are you expecting? ""hey I'm taking a shit but come on in and join me"""

"What did the claustrophobic fungi say to his friends? There's not mushroom in here"

"To whom was Shia LaBeouf chanting ""*He will not divide us*"" after he got arrested yesterday? His buttcheeks."

"Feminists are basically Lesbians who don't want to admit it."

"What does a pirate wear if he works at Apple? iPatch"