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Joke of the Day

"3 Big things happened to me today 1) My neighbor said he didn't like me 2) My neighbor got hit by a bus 3) I lost my bus drivers license"

"Gays and ISIS ... are fucking assholes."

"5/6 people agree... ...that Russian Roulette is a great way to gamble."

"""Have you tried sleeping? Okay. And you've had enough burritos lately? Hmm. Well, this is puzzling."" - me as a doctor"

"Have you seen the current remake of the movie ""Cape Fear""? It's about a deranged psychotic who is seeking revenge against a lawyer. The question is while watching the movie whom do you root for?"

"What is the most common owl in England? Tea-towl"

"Jimmy how many more times must I tell you to come away from that cookie tin? No more mom. It's empty."

"What do you feed a gay horse? haaaayyyyy!"

"See these teardrop tattoos? I got one for every time I cried in jail."

"This year for Kwanzaa, I'm getting my roommate the traditional Kwanzaa toy. A Dr. Dreidel"