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Joke of the Day

"Jimmy how many more times must I tell you to come away from that cookie tin? No more mom. It's empty."

"""I think i'm having a heart attack. Quick! Dad, call me a doctor..."" ""You're a Doctor."""

"What's 80 feet long and has 22 teeth? The front row of a Ted Nugent concert."

"Are you alright? No, you are all left"

"Italy in the 2014 FIFA world cup What's the difference between Italy and a tea bag? Ones in a cup"

"[A bengals fan watching Titanic] I can't wait until the end when Jack and Rose get married"

"A man in the restroom today almost pissed on my pants from the next urinal over. I yelled at him and he said ""It's alright man. Wouldn't you rather be pissed off than pissed on?"""

"What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish Highlander? Mick Jagger sings, ""Hey you, get off of my cloud . . "", while the Scottish Highlander yells, ""Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe!"""

"What did Quasimodo say while being whipped Beats me, but I have a hunch!"

"The pope is in Israel with a sheik and a rabbi. If they don't walk into a bar, it's all for nothing!"