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Joke of the Day

"""Have you tried sleeping? Okay. And you've had enough burritos lately? Hmm. Well, this is puzzling."" - me as a doctor"

"When two gay men get married, whose parents pay for the wedding? Neither, because they're both ashamed of their children's disgusting and sinful lifestyle choices."

"The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar... It was tense."

"What's the difference between a Mac user and a PC user Mac users command, PC users control"

"BREAKING: Mel Gibson will reprise his role in the sequel to 'What Women Want'. The sequel will be called 'What Stupid Fucking Whores Want'."

"Helluva guy John is a hellava guy. Type of guy who goes out on a Friday night, gets a couple of blow jobs, comes back and gives his buddy one."

"Why is there only a stairway to heaven but a highway to hell? Because of anticipated traffic numbers!"

"Q: Why is Bill Clinton's economic plan called positively atheist? A: Because it hasn't got a prayer."

"Why did the scarecrow win the award? He was outstanding in his field."

"I'll never join one of those dating sites. I prefer to meet someone the old fashioned way. By alcohol & bad decisions."