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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between arguing with a knife and arguing with your girlfriend? The knife has a point."

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"I post stuff in the wrong sub-reddits. AMA wait... FUCK"
"Why did the Ferguson protesters go home early last night? The whole thing was a gas."
"A sitar solo so complex and mind melting that the one guy who knows what a sitar is claps"
"A couple of kids tried using pickles for a Ping-Pong game. They had the volley of the Dills."
"I held the door ... open for a gorgeous blonde at the bar last night. My wife said, ""You've never held the door open for me."" I said, ""What about that time you threatened to leave?"""
"What do you get when a camel pukes in the desert? A hot mess."
"My 2 year old has a pretty big attitude considering that I'm the only one who can open the fridge."
"I hope Jackie Chan doesn't go the way of Eddie Murphy... I probably wouldn't be able to discern if he was playing every character in a movie or not."
"Guess what? Chicken butt."
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