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Joke of the Day

"Coworker: I need someone in the backfill position Brain: Do. Not. Say. Anything. Me: um hopefully you fill the gap soon Brain: oh dear"

"How the hell did Caitlyn Jenner win women of the year? She hasn't even been a women for a year yet."

"I bought zombie insurance recently it was a no brainer"

"The perfect woman is 3 feet 4 inches tall with a square head ... So you can rest a can of beer on her head while she blows you."

"I wondered why the ball was getting bigger, then it hit me... Tesicular cancer"

"What do you get when you cross a cow with an octopus? Your funding revoked by the ethics board."

"Visitor: You're very quiet Jennifer. Jennifer: Well my mum gave me a dollar not to say anything about your red nose."

"I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. ""Something that buzzes and is guaranteed to drive me crazy"" she replied. So I bought her a pet mosquito."

"I want to start my own distillery, but i'm a bit hesitant.... it's a whisky business."

"Nothing makes me worry more than the kids saying ""Don't worry, we cleaned it up"""