150125

Joke of the Day

"Which online dating site connects me with single-malt liquor in my area?"

"Removing the skin of an orange... That's appealing."

"Why did the boy stare at his orange juice for so long? Because it said, Concentrate."

"You staring at your phone= jerk. Me staring at my phone= cool guy with lots of shit happening in his life."

"The wife left a note by the TV today saying ""Its not working, I'm leaving"" I plugged it in, turned it on, nothing wrong with it stupid cow!"

"I've been told that I'm very condescending That means I talk down to people"

"Joke ##439057"

"physics gives me a large hadron."

"If I ever wake up on Christmas Day and there's a Mercedes outside with a giant ribbon on it, I'm gonna assume it has an ignition bomb"

"You and I are like ass cheeks... we're still together after all the shit that's gone between us."