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Joke of the Day

"A sheep, a drum, and a snake walk into a bar... Ba-dumm-tsss"

"What do penguins do in a race? They peng-win"

"DIET TIP: You are what you eat. Do you really want to be celery? C'mon. Not even celery wants to be celery."

"What's the difference between a Clinton inauguration and a Wu-Tang reunion? There's a chance of another Wu-Tang Reunion happening."

"IRISH EATS ITALIAN Q: What does an Irishman get after eating Italian food? A: Gaelic breath."

"I just sneezed so violently, I think it qualifies as an ab workout. (Screw you, I'm counting it.)"

"I'm like Superman. When people see me out in public I'm always in the same outfit."

"The worst part of being named Michael is repeatedly being broken up with via a text that states *drops Mike*"

"I was going to write a joke about Kim kardashian's orifices, but they've all been done."

"My wife's posted picture she took of me in the shower didn't go viral... Ain't no big thing."