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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between jam and jelly? [NSFW] I can't jelly my dick down your throat."

"Just remember that whatever you put up with, you end up with."

"How do you tell the sex of an ant? If it floats, it's a boy-ant."

"My neighbour thinks it's funny to joke with my wife, in front of me, that our kids look a bit like him. One day, I'm going to say something to the black bastard."

"Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don't know. Inspirational statuses are hard"

"me: this cat is kissing me on the lips because it LOVES me cat: mother's lips taste perpetually of bacon"

"What did the horse say to Santa? Nothing, horses can not speak."

"Did you know a man gets run over by a car in New York City every five minutes? Whoa, he should really get out of the road!"

"*suddenly pulls away from kissing* why aren't there any female Transformers?!?"

"Why do petri dishes make good conversationalists? They're cultured."