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Joke of the Day
"Seals are just dog mermaids."
Next Joke
"If others are jealous, you're doing something right."
"Earlier today I walked by a PERFECTLY S-shaped dog turd & didn't tweet a photo of it so I guess what I'm saying is that I'm growin up, guys"
"What's the worst part about driving Ford off a cliff? Ford was my best friend."
"Someone told me I was ""good people"" and I replied ""OMG you can hear them too?"""
"What was Charles Dickens' favourite experimental pop album? It was the best of Grimes..."
"I'm not that smart... and have no clue as to what any word means when it has more then two syllables. How will I ever shave?"
"Laws of Accounting 1. Trial balances don't 2. Bank reconciliations never do 3. Working Capital does not 4. Return on Investments never will"
"Roses are red... Our flag is too Raise your hand to the sky And gas all the jews"
"So this cravat came up to me and started weeping... ...I thought ""I can't *stand* emotional ties"""